Knots in my neck, tightness in my jaw; the epic battle ground between my heart and my head.

I woke up this morning and realize that I became a goodie two shoes. I felt weighed down by obligation. For some time now, I’m not sure how long, I’ve been making decisions based on what others would see and think of me, based on what I “should” do, based on feeling obligated to people or to doing the “right” thing. Even my personal Facebook page has become a reflection of the person that I’d want my business clients and yoga students to see.

And then I realized that, by acting out of this sense of obligation, I lost a piece of me. Sometimes it can be good to shed aspects that we’ve held onto as being part of us – when these things are no longer serving us (such as stories that we tell ourselves based on fears or previous experiences). In this case, it wasn’t good. I’ve valued living authentically and being a real person (like I can be a yoga instructor, believe in eating fresh, local, organic foods, and yet really enjoy beer, bacon, and french fries) but I wasn’t doing that.

In my body, it showed up as a feeling of emotion bubbling up through my body, and my jaw clenching in an attempt to keep it squelched down. It was an all too familiar feeling. I used to get that very same feeling when I’d walk into a review at the engineering company where I used to work, when what I really wanted to be doing was teaching yoga. I would go into those reviews and feel trapped because I couldn't say what I really meant and I couldn't show who I really was. But, eventually I did – I quit, and started to teach yoga full-time.

There was an epic battle happening between my head (the “I should”s, the obligations, the damn goodie two shoes!) and my heart (the “but I don’t want to do that”, “that isn’t aligning with my values”, “that isn’t bringing me peace, ease and joy”), and my poor neck and jaw (the center of communication, and quite literally the space between my head and heart) were serving as the battle grounds! It was a sensation strong enough that it felt like the equivalent of being trapped in a room without a key to get out. There was no possible way that my body was going to allow me to go through with the “I should”s for another day. Lucky for me, I’ve been through this enough times in the past to have recognized it fairly early on, and was able to send up the white flag.

So, world, are you letting your heart or your head lead your decisions today?