Calm Within the Storm

Recently, in some of the yoga classes that I teach, we've been practicing with nodi sodhana (alternate nostril breath) and meditation following our yoga postures and relaxation. A few of the students have remarked about the calm and stillness that they are able to find. But, for many who are beginning, meditation can be very frustrating. Some think that the "goal" of meditation is the absence of thoughts. I believe that it is more about not getting attached to the thoughts that will inevitably enter your mind. I lead my students through the meditation saying, "when you find that your mind is being drawn away, notice what is causing the distraction, and then let it pass and come back to your breath." Even still, it can be frustrating to find yourself thinking and to have to draw yourself back to the breath time and time again.

I haven't blogged in a few months. I've instead, been living my life in this calm and stillness. A few weeks ago, I sat in my kitchen, doing my normal routine of checking in on the world while eating my breakfast and I heard an unfamiliar sound. Amongst the normal hum of the refrigerator and tick tock of the clock, there was another sound. At first, it startled me. Then, I realized that it was coming from the bouquet of flowers that were immediately in front of me. I could literally hear and see a flower opening. This lily was tucked in among a bunch of other lilies, day lilies and daisies. When we brought this bouquet home from the store, the lilies were completely closed. As they’ve warmed up and been nourished by their plant food, they continued to open. The sound I heard was actually the petals of this last opening lily brushing up against the others, and making room for itself. That is how still, quiet and calm my home is.

Like the students who experience these moments during their meditation and want more of it, I too became attached to the spaciousness and ease that can be found in quiet stillness. And, I too became frustrated at the things that drew me away. Of course, the more attached I became to the quiet, the more upsets seemed to appear. I went through a period of several weeks, where a couple of times each day, well meaning friends and colleagues would give me unsolicited advice. Rather than hearing what they had to say, and then letting it pass without attachment, I allowed them to engage me. In those moments, I was unable to see that I had a choice: to be engaged, to be attached, to ignore, to listen, say thank you, and allow it to pass. All of this attachment and engagement was tiring! And as a result, I slowly disengaged from my communities.

"You have to save yourself from so many good-intentioned people, do-gooders, who are constantly advising you to be this, to be that. Listen to them, thank them. They don´t mean any harm -- but harm is what happens. You just listen to your own heart. That is your only teacher. In the real journey of life, your own intuition is your only teacher." -Osho

I found this quote nearly a month ago, and still it took me until today to realize that I could treat life as a meditation - enjoy the quiet, calm, and stillness and when the upsets do occur as they inevitably will, notice them, allow them to pass, and then draw myself back.