Holding it Together

I am very grateful to say that I've never been to a memorial service until recently.  I have gone through 32 years of life, having been fairly untouched by death.  I do recognize the good in that, but this post is more about the past two months than the past 32 years.  I've attended two memorial services within the last two months.  Both of the people who passed were close to me, but certainly, there were others at the service with whom they were more close. In both of these memorial services, I felt, at least on some level, that I needed to be strong for others.  I needed to be there to support them.  I needed to "hold it together."

I always wonder where sayings like "holding it together" come from. To show emotion and cry is to "fall apart"? I've been searching and haven't found the origin of this saying.  Please feel free to comment if you happen to know.  What I can tell you is that, as I was sitting in each of these memorial services, trying not to cry, trying to hold it together, I noticed that I was holding my breath and also tightly holding my muscles. And how have I felt since then?  Stuck and full of ick!

As I was searching for the origin of this saying, I found a quote: "...to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." I'm not so sure that I agree. I suppose that there are circumstances where I might agree with that saying.  But, I think there's a lot to be said for owning your emotions, showing them, and processing them.